Writing an engaging blog post about Dying Matters Awareness Week was always going to be challenging, even if my colleagues and I find it an interesting subject. This particular week — May 5th-11th — is when Hospice UK encourages communities to get talking and “break down the stigma and taboo of talking about death and dying”. But it’s not necessarily the easiest blog to get people to click on. So, I am eternally grateful to my friend John, who — in appropriately journalistic fashion and in true John style — gave me material and inspiration.
John died over the weekend, on May 4th, which his widow says: ‘pretty much sets the score of Starwars music for his funeral’. I knew John from many years back, through journalism and cycle journalism in particular. In recent months he had charted the course of his cancer and cancer treatment in an incredibly frank, open and honest way. He even made it a ‘right riveting read’ if I may say so.
His Facebook post asked that anyone commenting should use the simple term death / dying and not euphemisms such as ‘passed’.
In the end, he had prepared a statement to be released on his behalf, on social media, with a link to a one-page website called Is John Dead Yet? I clicked on the link, to be slightly taken aback, amused and also incredibly sad to read, simply, YES. His Facebook post asked that anyone commenting should use the simple term death / dying and not euphemisms such as ‘passed’. His openness on the subject of death and dying has been an example to me… and a refreshing attitude from someone who was an individual, opinionated and stubborn to the end. I thank you John and only wish you were around to add an insightful comment to this post.
We have some pretty in-depth conversations during our breaks and only recently were talking about our own attitudes to death…
We have some pretty in-depth conversations during our breaks and only recently were talking about our own attitudes to death… “Are you scared of dying?” “Is it dying that scares you, or being dead?” “Do you worry on a daily basis?” It’s all too easy to cut the conversation short by saying something like: “Well, this is a bit gloomy!” Or, “this is all rather serious!” But why on earth wouldn’t we talk about something that will not only affect all of us but will happen to us eventually too?
Providing funeral flowers offers us a regular opportunity to contemplate the culture, attitudes and traditions surrounding death in the UK… and it feels like an important subject to address. Dealing with funeral services is an eye-opener — and almost without fail our local undertakers are kind, understanding and patient.
Trying to be composed, but empathetic too, was a real challenge and, after delivering the last lot of funeral flowers — I felt absolutely drained.
A couple of years ago I had a week involving three funerals, all of which felt particularly tragic. Trying to be composed, but empathetic too, was a real challenge and, after delivering the last lot of funeral flowers — for a young mum of three children — I felt absolutely drained. I asked the funeral director: “How do you do it, day after day?” Their answer, on that occasion, was that they learn to cope. They try not to not take on the family’s grief as their own — and are motivated by the fact that the service they are offering is incredibly important and, in a way, a gift.
We get a similar feeling when we provide funeral flowers; flowers that reflect the life and beliefs of the person who has died. A young woman who popped into Blooming Green the other day said that the only flowers her grandmother would have wanted were ours. We’ve provided flowers, with veg, in a trug. Flowers in a watering can. Bright joyful flowers, flowers with specific significance — and flowers that, sometimes by chance — were an absolute favourite. This happened only the other day when a lady came to collect a posy for her mum’s ‘do’. The surprise freesias brought tears of joy and sadness.
We’ve provided flowers, with veg, in a trug. Flowers in a watering can. Bright joyful flowers, flowers with specific significance
This week we will continue the conversation about death and dying, no doubt, especially as it is Dying Matters Awareness Week — the perfect opportunity to raise the subject and raise awareness. There’s also the fact that, by being aware of death and the impermanence of life, that we enjoy each day all the more… Being mindful, each day, is very much a part of what we do; growing, picking and arranging flowers.
Look thy last on all things lovely, Every hour.
There is a house near me, an absolutely stunning, fairytale house of ancient timbers and delicate leaded windows in a variety of patterns. On a beam above the door, hand-written in chalk, it says: “Look thy last on all things lovely, Every hour.” It is from a poem called Fare Well by Walter de la Mere. So, if there’s one thing we do during this special week, as well as discussing a difficult topic, is to savour being alive and be grateful for springtime, family, friends… and flowers.
Speaking of the hospice, we will be holding an exclusive preview event, on Saturday June 14th — the week before we officially open for pick your own flowers — in aid of the Heart of Kent Hospice. Please book your spot via their Enthuse ticketing page here